"Are you doing what you love?" I was asked this simple question shortly after arriving in LA and it knocked me side-ways! I realized I'd spent most of my life doing things that I thought would give me security, geared towards career and material wealth. Unexpectedly, moving to LA would take me straight into the heart of this question. Much to my dismay and frustration at the time, I was unable to keep doing what I had been doing - clinical psychology. So I was presented with a blank slate, and a choice. It was almost as if the universe was shouting from the roof top "OK so now no excuses - DO something you love!" 

It was easy to identify what this would be - PHOTOGRAPHY. I had taken art and photography in school, and I had loved it. Then somehow, at the age of 18 I allowed it all to fall away. I had always harbored the idea I would come back to it, but I didn't expect it would be over 20 years later! 

So I dug out my old camera and took to the streets of LA, to the beaches and mountains, the waves, the people, even the most mundane corners of the city held beauty - the fall of light on a walkway, a building corner. This was how I got to know the city, often heading off on sole expeditions. I signed up to Instagram, and started to follow other photographers. I took an Internship with Month of Photography LA, and got to know some REAL photographers. I helped curate exhibitions, and went to events. I started to do small jobs for no pay, for friends, and friends of friends. I ended up on the LA music scene with my dear friend and music journalist Celine Teo-Blockey, elbowing my way into music gigs at the Troubadour and other venues. I even had a photographer's pass, and felt very official! All of it a blur, an act of synchronicity, the alchemy of light, movement and chance meetings. Pure play! 

Gradually, I began to find my voice behind the lens. I experienced the ups and downs of the creative process, the moments of inspiration and the creative blocks. I came face to face with some unconscious aspects of my behavior patterning. As much as Instagram had been a source of inspiration and exploration into the world of photography, I noticed the addiction - the instant gratification of 'likes', and the perpetual chase for the next image. I resolved to only take images as they appeared in the moment and I stopped chasing. I gradually moved to a settled confidence - if the image moved me that was good enough. 

Over time, I have come to see how my journey into photography has been intimately weaved into my broader expansion and personal transformation. At the beginning I was doing for the sheer joy of doing and creating, but I had no idea where it was going to lead. However, I sensed it was an important stepping stone on my path.

Doing, being in that creative flow opened me up! It scrubbed away the crusty layer of what had been keeping me stuck. I felt enlivened and inspired by the flow of opportunities, a deep satisfaction and joy from producing my own work, a blossoming confidence in my ideas, and a growing belief in possibility. All those things that I used to look on from afar and think "oh it's just a dream I will never be able to do that" became suddenly possible! So I gradually stepped into a new way of being, remaining open to new possibilities, following the seeds of inspiration, taking opportunities as they arose. It lead to yoga, meditation, becoming a teacher, and setting up my own business.

I have come to see photography as a meditation. I was struck by a quote from Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche* "Many times we look to a flower and think, 'So beautiful! So beautiful!' At that moment it is good to realize that beautiful quality internally." So when looking at an image, and something in that image resonates, it provides a moment for reflection. A reminder of our intimate and deep connection with others and the wider world, that what we see externally also resides within us. 

This has been a rekindling and reconnection to the creative essence of myself. I believe each one of us is creative in essence, and so much can emerge when we allow this aspect of ourselves to flow. Of course, our creativity may be expressed in a million different ways - through food, music, ideas, writing, dance, being with children, animals. 

How to do it? Well just move towards something you love. Do something which inspires you! No matter how crazy or impractical it seems. Simply play and enjoy! Even if it means making a commitment to doing that thing once a month. Set it in your diary, make the commitment and observe the unfolding journey.

Photo © 2018, Jess Lakin Hawaiian Light Rays

Reference:

Tibetan Sound Healing by Tension Wangyal Rinpoche, 2006 Pg. 4